I Feel Judged for Going Back to Work After Maternity Leave: Coping With Guilt and Mixed Emotions
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Returning to work after having a baby is a huge milestone. Yet for many Indian mothers, it isn’t just about updating a resume or settling a baby into a routine. It often means navigating judgement—both spoken and unspoken—from family, colleagues, and even strangers.
On Indian parenting forums and Reddit threads, mothers regularly share how joining back after six months of maternity leave attracts subtle criticism. Here are some of the experiences they describe, and ways to cope with the emotional storm that follows.
Real-Life Scenarios of Feeling Judged
Mothers' decisions are often scrutinised:
- Comments from relatives: “Why do you need to work? Your husband earns enough.”
- Whispers from neighbours: “Six months is too early—your baby still needs you full-time.”
- Workplace remarks: “Oh, you’re already back? That was quick!”
These comments, while often masked as concern, leave many Indian mothers feeling that their decision is selfish or unnatural.
The Guilt That Lingers
Even without external judgement, mothers often carry internal guilt:
- Worrying that long hours away will harm the baby’s development.
- Wondering if pumping breast milk at work is “enough.”
- Feeling torn when a caregiver—whether grandparent or nanny—handles milestones like the first smile or first crawl.
Guilt feeds the nagging thought: “Am I a bad mother for wanting my career back?”
Mixed Emotions: Two Identities, One Heart
It’s common to feel both relief and heartache:
- Relief and pride: Returning to work after having a baby restores a sense of personal identity—professional, creative, independent.
- Sadness and longing: Missing daytime cuddles, feeling a pang when someone else soothes the baby.
- Questioning self-worth: “I wanted this, so why do i cry every night?”
These conflicting emotions are normal and do not mean you love your baby any less.
When Tears Show Up at the Office
Many mothers confess to crying in the washroom at work—between meetings or during pumping breaks. The sudden rush of missing your baby or feeling judged can be overwhelming. Know that these tears are a human response to a major life transition.
Coping With Difficult Feelings
You can manage the emotional storm by taking active steps:
- Name your emotions: Saying “I feel sad and guilty” out loud or writing it down can lessen its hold.
- Lean on support: Talk openly with your partner, trusted colleagues, or other working moms.
- Set realistic expectations: Accept that some days you’ll excel at work and some days at mothering—rarely both at once.
- Create small rituals of connection: Morning cuddles, bedtime stories, or a lunchtime video call can ease separation anxiety.
- Seek professional guidance if needed: A counsellor or therapist can help you navigate persistent feelings of guilt or sadness.
Watch for Signs of Postpartum Depression
Breaking into crying spells frequently—especially if accompanied by persistent sadness, loss of interest, or feelings of hopelessness—can signal postpartum depression (PPD), which may appear anytime in the first year after childbirth.
In India, you can call the KIRAN helpline (1800-599-0019), a 24x7 toll-free mental-health support line, or consult a gynaecologist, psychiatrist, or licensed counsellor. Getting professional help is not a sign of weakness; it’s an important step toward healing.
Key Takeaway
Feeling judged for returning to work after having a baby is an all-too-common reality for Indian mothers. Guilt, mixed emotions, and even tears in the office washroom do not make you a bad mother—they reflect the depth of your love and the challenge of balancing two identities. By acknowledging these feelings, leaning on support, and seeking help if sadness persists, you can protect your mental health and embrace both roles: devoted parent and accomplished professional.